sincerely, zoey g

Some days you’re so loud in my head that I’ll log into my old email just to search your name hoping everything i’ve ever wanted to know and every reasoning i’ve ever wondered, will be sitting there in a little message from you. Of course! I must’ve just missed your email! probably took PTO that day or clocked out just a tad earlier, you’ve always been such a damn hard worker!

Overtly communicative, full of integrity, driven to the core. Anyway, thanks for getting back to me on that. I hope your weekend was nice as well! and that the kids are fed and the dog is walked and that this response finds you the wellest of the wells.

I’ve printed it out- hung it on every doorframe, taped it to every mirror, folded it within the balls of my socks and stuffed it deep into the toes of all my shoes. That email you sent me, the one that i look for sometimes, often late at night, the one that outlined why you left and where you went and how you’ve been and what you’ve been up to. the one that makes it all make sense on the nights i lose logic—when I eat too much sugar, feel too awake to sleep, and too tired to do anything about it. truth is, most nights, i get it. but sometimes, on the nights when I search your name in my old email for a message ill never get, i find myself wondering which part of me still stubbornly believes one can dig themselves deeper out of a hole.