blabbering ab life

It’s late and I meant to go to bed an hour ago  but there has been something on my mind lately.

I feel like for a long time I was obsessed with finding the meaning to life, finding my meaning in life. As if there was a specific reason that I was put here to accomplish a specific thing to make this world a more beautiful place. Somehow, some way, with some reason. I think most people wonder what their purpose is, what the purpose of any of this is. I mean come on, were so small, the universe is so big it feels too good to be true that this is all a coincidence.

I really thought that there was this bigger purpose and that we each had a specific one. I mean I’ve got the drive, the passion, the want to create something positive or good or meaningful. And when I want something, I mean I want it. I kind of also used this greater purpose as an excuse to not be great at other things. To maybe not be on time for everything, or not text my friends back, or not be the most social person in the room. Because hey im gonna help fix the world someday and can’t possibly do it all.

Lately I’ve realized that I think the purpose to us being here is that there isn’t one. We are the lucky ones and most of us are too disconnected to even acknowledge how freaking lucky we are to be here. How lucky we are to get to wake up early and feel sad and be angry and sit in traffic and smell stinky people. I think that the real purpose to life is actually connection. The purpose is to talk to strangers and spread love and laughter and compassion. It’s about being vulnerable and remembering someone’s name and maybe their past weekend plans and smiling at doormen and hugging your siblings. I think that we’ve forgotten that we’re all just people and were all the same and every single person just wants to be loved. You are only truly human if you love fully and unconditionally because everyone deserves love, even if it doesn’t always feel like they deserve yours.

We make the biggest impacts on the smallest scales and there is someone around you every day that is struggling with something so I think the purpose to life isn’t about solving some pressing issue or about crunching some fake numbers, but it’s about knowing your neighbors name and saying hi to strangers in the elevator and complimenting peoples dogs and smiling and laughing and being whimsical because were all way too serious and too stressed and overworked and most people have not laid in the grass or gone for a walk or wore mismatched socks or sang, danced, cried, laughed, jumped, walked, or ran in the rain in a long ass time and it shows.

So tell someone you love them (or show them in a way you know how) even if it feels wrong even if it feels vulnerable even if it feels undeserving because love is so innocent and everyone could always benefit from having some more of it.